John and I went for a delightful walk to the library today. It is really special to live in such close proximity to so many books available for free. While there I saw a book on childbirth called "Easy Labor." It's about that time to sign us up for the child birthing classes as they fill up months in advance. So this has been on my mind and I thought I would read about it.
As we waited in line to check out, a woman standing next to us looked at me, up and down, and then said, "I had an epidural. Don't be afraid. Yes, don't be afraid. I did it, yeah, I did it. I was fine."
These things are happening more often these days as my belly and starts to hint at what is coming. The thoughts and stories are sweet, and I love that women (some men too) want to offer their help or suggestions. This woman made me nervous. Her hair was knotted up around her forehead, woven with some blue ribbon. Her eyes were HUGE, almost bulging, and she seemed very frail. She was checking out about 14 children's books. I felt a flutter of worry. Is this me in 5 years - "Yes, I did it. I was fine"? Repeating these words like a mantra while shakily checking out stacks of books to take home to the children who make my eyes bulge and hair uncontrollable? I'm thinking...really? Are you really fine?
This was my first impression of her. Upon second look, she seemed normal. I'm projecting on her my own fears - less of child-birthing, mostly of child-rearing. But I'm sure with grace, forgiveness, creativity, community, patience, love and more love things will be fine.
Remind me of the post in 5 1/2 months and then again in 5 1/2 years. I might have my own "Yes, I did it. I was fine" story.
2 comments:
That is kind of creepy and funny at the same time. I know what you mean though with the worries. They hit me at random times. Usually when I'm talking to real-live-mothers and they tell me I have NO idea what is coming. I THINK I know... but I don't. I've started to sensor their evil warnings.
The story about the woman with the hair and eyes has to be the funniest thing I have read in awhile. I was in my high pitched, shrewish ha!ha!
You and John are going to make wonderful parents. The two of you have a tremendous capacity to love and show love. You will of course make mistakes, but they will be done in love and your children will know that. Love covers a multitude of sins....
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